I get about 100 e-mail messages a day from readers of my comic strip “Dilbert.” Most are from disgruntled office workers, psychopaths, stalkers, comic-strip fans — that sort of person. But a growing number are from women who write to say they think Dilbert is sexy. Some say they’ve already married a Dilbert and couldn’t be happier.If you’re not familiar with Dilbert, he’s an electrical engineer who spends most of his time with his computer. He’s a nice guy but not exactly Kevin Costner.Okay, Dilbert is polite, honest, employed and educated. And he stays home. These are good traits, but they don’t exactly explain the incredible sex appeal. So what’s the attraction?I think it’s a Darwinian thing. We’re attracted to the people who have the best ability to survive and thrive. In the old days it was important to be able to run down an antelope and kill it with a single blow to the forehead.But that skill is becoming less important every year.Now all that matters is if you can install your own Ethernet card without having to call tech support and confess your inadequacies to a stranger whose best career option is to work in tech support.It’s obvious that the world has three distinct classes of people, each with its own evolutionary destiny:Knowledgeable computer users who will evolve into godlike non-corporeal beings who rule the universe (except for those who work in tech support).Computer owners who try to pass as knowledgeable but secretly use hand calculators to add totals to their Excel spreadsheets. This group will gravitate toward jobs as high school principals and operators of pet crematoriums. Eventually they will become extinct.Non-computer users who will grow tails, sit in zoos and fling dung at tourists.Obviously, if you’re a woman and you’re trying to decide which evolutionary track you want your offspring to take, you don’t want to put them on the luge ride to the dung-flinging Olympics. You want a real man. You want a knowledgeable computer user with evolution potential.And women prefer men who listen. Computer users are excellent listeners because they can look at you for long periods of time without saying anything. Granted, early in a relationship it’s better if the guy actually talks. But men use up all the stories they’ll ever have after six months. If a woman marries a guy who’s in, let’s say, retail sales, she’ll get repeat stories starting in the seventh month and lasting forever. Marry an engineer and she gets a great listener for the next 70 years.
Men Who Use Computers Are The New Sex Symbols Of The `90s